Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

2014-12-01_1107It’s an age old problem, you’re on the interstate highway or a four-lane road, there’s quite a bit of traffic and you’re running late. You whip over into the passing lane and ……. there’s some dipshit going slower than the posted fucking speed limit.

The first thought that runs through your head is “Ah Shit!” or “Son Of A BITCH!” Immediately, thoughts of fiery retribution and painful torture for this idiot begin to coalesce through the building rage that is inside of you.

All you want to do is bulldoze this moron off the road, do everybody else a favor and get him/her out of the damn way, be the Highway Hero.

But you can’t, you just sit there impatiently, fuming and cursing the DMV gods for allowing this menace to have a drivers license. You start fantasizing that your vehicle has two Gatling guns and a couple of ICBM Missile Launchers and that your Heads Up Display targeting system is centered squarely on the back of this douchebags head and your itchy finger is on the launch button.

But still, here you are, going 50 miles an hour on a 70 mile an hour highway, not enjoying the scenery, not wanting to take a leisurely Sunday afternoon drive in the country, but wanting, desperately,  to get to your fucking destination that you were supposed to be at 10 minutes ago.

How many ass positions is it possible to achieve in one mostly uncomfortable car seat as you scoot back and forth, sit up, sit back, slide to one side then the other? I don’t know, but I have had the truly unenviable opportunity to try them all, because it seems like I live in a state that breeds these morons.

Anyway, after enduring what seems like hours of this seemingly endless torture you finally get a break and can pass this fool that can’t comprehend that the gas peddle actually does move up and down. And as you pass them you hold up this sign. If you don’t have one, you need one.


That is all!


I Hate This Fucking Phone!

Posted: November 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

I have this little Android phone, it doesn’t have front facing camera, no flash, the camera doesn’t have an auto focus function and the storage space sucks balls, it’s slower than hell and it freezes up all the time and shuts off whenever the hell it wants to. If the memory capacity is even half fucking full the damn thing won’t work. It takes for hell and ever for it to boot up and the damn Home screen disappears all the time. I can’t afford anything else right now but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to chuck this piece of shit out the window of a fast moving car.

Why don’t I you ask? Because I’m attached to the little bastard for one thing. For another I need a cell phone and I just had to jump on the smartphone bandwagon. Besides, there’s this new app called Spychat, with it you get new and updated pictures of some fine looking women, tit’s, ass and all, right up my horny little alley.

So for now I guess I’ll just have to put up with the damn thing and resist total all out destruction on it. If I change my mind I will let you know.